What if I asked you to navigate life with a parrot on your shoulder who constantly commented on every step you took? Sometimes the parrot compliments you. Sometimes it blurts nonsense. Other times it insults you loudly and unashamedly. What would you do with the parrot if you weren’t allowed to get rid of it? Congratulations, we all have silent parrots on our shoulders in the form of our thoughts. No one else can hear what they say to us, but we’re being guided by them daily. Below are a few tips for harnessing mental toughness as you navigate your pursuit of any challenging task.
1. Treat your thoughts like your senses.
When your least favorite song plays at the grocery store, you don’t demand they change it. When you see a bumper sticker you dislike, you don’t peel it off. You notice it and move on.
You can do the same with thoughts. Some are helpful. Many aren’t. But they’re just thoughts. Practice noticing them without automatically treating them as facts. The more you do this, the less power they have over your mood and behavior.
2. Unhelpful thoughts are naturally part of challenges
The biggest disservice we can do to ourselves is to be caught off guard by our negative thoughts. The more we give them permission to come and go, the less power they have. This is especially important when we’re training for something challenging. Our brains are constantly trying to protect us, and part of that protection can involve trying to talk us out of the challenge in the first place or comparing ourselves to others. If negative thoughts are part of challenges, we don’t have to take them too seriously when they come up. We can simply acknowledge the thoughts we are having and carry on with our challenge.
3. In the face of urges, practice curiosity over action
Without fail, when my alarm first goes off in the morning, I want to hit snooze, roll over, and ignore the world. Also, without fail, when I pass a coffee shop, I want a double shot espresso even if it’s 5 pm and I know better. It’s our job as humans to recognize that our brain will supply us with urges all day, every day, but it’s our right to stay curious and respond mindfully to those urges. The more we stay curious about what’s going on, the less we react strongly to things. Urges are automatic. Action is optional. Create space between the two. Stay curious about what you’re feeling instead of immediately obeying it.
4. Parrots can be trained
A parrot that screams at you learned it from somewhere. A brain that screams at you, learned it from somewhere! Most of our automatic thoughts have come from years of conditioning. The way we talk to ourselves has been derived from decades of past treatment. As hard as it is to teach yourself to think differently, especially in stressful situations, it can be done. Mental training works like physical training: repetition, intention, experimentation. Start small. Replace one negative thought with something neutral or even humorous. New mental habits are built the same way endurance is: gradually.
Bonus: Read More from the APA
Don’t just take our word for it. Research from the American Psychological Association highlights that resilience (the ability to adapt well in the face of stress, uncertainty, and challenge) is not about eliminating difficult thoughts, but learning how to respond to them effectively. In other words, mental strength isn’t built by silencing the “parrot” on your shoulder, but by changing your relationship with it. By noticing your thoughts without immediately reacting, staying flexible in the face of discomfort, and continuing to move toward your goals, you begin harnessing mental toughness in a way that’s both practical and sustainable. Over time, this approach helps you stay grounded, focused, and more in control of how you show up when things get hard.
Remember: you don’t have to silence the parrot. You just have to lead it!