Congratulations! We made it to the time of year when everyone asks you about your New Year’s resolutions, and we’re just a couple of short weeks away from when people stop asking! Jokes are now pretty common that New Year’s resolutions only last 31 days before we go back to the same habits, and research supports the joke, too.
Every January, conversations seem to circle around one familiar question: What’s your New Year’s resolution? For a few weeks, motivation is high, and optimism runs strong. Then, quietly, the questions fade—and so do most resolutions.
This pattern isn’t a personal failing. Research consistently shows that lasting behavior change is difficult to sustain without the right structure and support. In fact, a survey by Sundried in 2023 found that 43% of people expect to give up their New Year’s resolutions by February—and since 95% of those resolutions are fitness-related, that means thousands of people start strong but lose momentum within weeks. The drop-off isn’t unique to gyms. Similar patterns appear in yoga studios, hiking trails, and other wellness-related activities. It reflects a broader challenge with maintaining new habits once the initial motivation fades.
So why is it that we can understand the importance of self-care, yet struggle to follow through?
It’s Not a Lack of Willpower—It’s a Lack of Support
Imagine picking up a musical instrument you’ve never played before. You admire it, feel excited about its potential, and then attempt to play—only to hear a discordant, unpleasant sound. Frustration sets in, and the instrument goes back into its case. The conclusion often becomes, “I’m just not good at this.”
But the issue isn’t talent. It’s instruction.
Our brains and nervous systems work in much the same way. When we set goals without learning the skills needed to support them—or without understanding how motivation and reward actually function—we’re likely to feel discouraged and give up. When resolutions fail, it isn’t a sign of laziness or lack of discipline. It’s a sign that the goal wasn’t designed with human psychology in mind.
In therapy, we often focus not on why you failed, but on how to set goals that fit you.
Five Therapy-Informed Ways to Make Change Sustainable
1. Lead with your values.
Get clear about what you care about, and equally important, what you DON’T care about. This article (from Mindful Ambition) is a great first step resource for getting clear about your life direction and where you want to point yourself this year. If you care about your health, perhaps an exercise routine makes a lot of sense. If you aren’t too concerned about being famous on social media, maybe making a YouTube channel isn’t the best goal for you this year.
2. Make goals concrete and achievable.
Vague goals overwhelm the brain. From a therapeutic perspective, clarity reduces anxiety and increases follow-through. Goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-limited give your nervous system a clear roadmap. “Be healthier” is abstract; “take a 10-minute walk three days a week for one month” is actionable.
3. Practice self-compassion, not self-criticism.
Change does not happen all at once. Therapy emphasizes that growth is nonlinear, and setbacks are part of learning—not evidence of failure. If you’ve avoided certain habits for years, expecting immediate transformation is unrealistic. Self-compassion helps regulate emotions and makes it more likely you’ll try again rather than give up.
4. Consider intentions instead of rigid resolutions.
Many therapeutic approaches emphasize direction over perfection. Setting an intention—such as “care for my body” or “respond to stress more gently”—allows flexibility while still supporting growth. Research suggests that intention-based change often lasts longer because it centers values rather than outcomes.
5. Seek connection and accountability.
Humans change best in a relationship. Therapy itself is built on this principle. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a support group, or a therapist, having accountability reduces isolation and increases follow-through. Shared goals also add meaning, making change feel less like a task and more like a lived experience.
Some Final Thoughts on New Year’s Resolutions
If your past resolutions didn’t last, that doesn’t mean you failed—it means you’re human. Therapy offers a space to understand how change works, why it’s hard, and what might help it stick this time. Sustainable growth isn’t about forcing yourself into new habits; it’s about building a life that supports them.
If you’re considering a change this year, you don’t have to do it alone—and you don’t have to do it perfectly. Here’s to a year of gradual change, rather than only a month of resolution!